| TED SPEAKS...ABOUT CHRISTMAS |
| SPEAR AND SPRITE |
I wanted to initiate a brand new holiday tradition this season: celebrating Christmas in the attic. It's part of my new efficiency system to save money and aggravation by eliminating bothersome steps. Virtually every Christmas related item (decorations, etc.) originates from our attic. Then it must be repackaged and returned there once the holidays have ended. Or it starts off as a gift on Christmas Day, only to be exiled to that same attic, along with piles of other useless stuff, once it has overstayed its welcome.
So I thought: Instead of dragging Christmas down every year and lugging it back up again, why not leave it where it is and pay it a visit? That way, we wouldn't bog ourselves down with all those tedious preparations, and we wouldn't have to rearrange our cramped living quarters downstairs to accommodate the tree.
I presented this brainstorm with to my wife and daughter. I hoped they would jump at the idea of hanging garland on the ceiling beams and opening up boxes we'd kept in storage for the last decade or so. Many of them, no doubt, contained presents from Christmases past that we'd long since banished and forgotten. Why not celebrate the season by appreciating what we already had? We could surprise ourselves all over again.
They just laughed and dismissed me as a nut.
Very well, then. I proposed that if we absolutely MUST buy new presents, we could exchange them this season, but wait until the following Christmas to open them. That would give everybody more time to admire the pretty wrapping before ripping it all apart---such a waste! It would also prolong the surprise for an entire year and force us to speculate about the contents, to meditate on the ineffable mystery and wonder of it all. It's such a shame the way a package loses all its magic once you know what's inside it.
But these ideas didn’t over very big either with the ladies in my life. Like most people, they demand an instant payoff. Postpone Christmas? Surely, I jest. Moreover, they wrap gifts with consummate artistry. It’s part of what they love most about Christmas, other than shopping. The fact that the recipient will tear their lovely handiwork to shreds does not deter them from their task. I, on the other hand, have neither their skill nor their patience. My gifts look as though they were wrapped by a demented 4 year old. Sometimes I skip the gift wrap altogether and use a brown paper bag. I hate wasting all that pretty paper if I don’t have to. And besides, my clumsiness and crudity, like my curmudgeonly sentiments, have become endearing traditions for those who love me for my...uh, inner qualities, whatever they might be.
Is there anything about the Christmas season that I relish, other than pestering my loved ones with ludicrous proposals? Yes, it's making spear and sprite.
Exactly what is "spear and sprite"? I’m so glad you asked.
Remember that line from “Jingle Bells”: “Bells on bobtails ring, making spear and sprite/ What fun it is to ride and sing...etc.” Very deep song, that “Jingle Bells”. I spent years pondering its significance. I never understood what spear and sprite was...or were. Then one day I picked up a copy of the song and actually READ THE LYRICS. That's when I realized that the line was actually “Making spirits bright”. Did the truth brighten my spirits? Not a jot, nor a jingle. I still preferred “spear and sprite”. To this day, that is what I think of whenever that song is sung, diehard that I am.
Why? Because for me, the spirit of Christmas is personal. It's quirky. It can be neither dictated by tradition nor ground out on an assembly line. It's like an unopened parcel that excites the imagination so long as it remains concealed. Once it's unveiled, it can be only one thing, and the joy of speculation has gone out of that gift forever.
Is there a point to this story? It's a mystery, dear Reader. Savor it. Ponder it for a year. It’s my unopened present to you.
May your spear be ever sprite...
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